My daughter said it best when she said that “sometimes we have bad moments but that doesn’t mean we are bad”. This past week was a doozy! The end of the school year pressure got to me and I’m not even enrolled in school! My less than motivated pre-teen son attempted….wait…..He did in fact write a book report about a book he obviously did not read and turned it into his teacher. I mean he literally read the introduction, the first page, and the last three pages. There was so much that led up to this moment. Like chores that needed to be done that the kids didn’t do, getting ready for my 4th overnight at work, feeling overwhelmed about so much to do in such little time, but of course in usual fashion it was something seemingly ridiculous that was the straw that broke the camel’s back…… the match in the powder barrel….last lick…down for the count…… turning into The not-so-incredible HULK moment.
I had worked the night before and was preparing to go back to work when I had enough. When I read his book report that made absolutely no sense and realized he had literally made up something just to get me off his back. I began to do the normal mom thing and ask him questions I already knew the answers to. However, when he told me to “chill” mid speech I literally threw my hands in the air and began screaming. I screamed the entire rest of my speech while I angrily put on my scrubs and bushed my teeth. I’m surprised I didn’t aspirate from the amount of yelling I was doing while having a mouth full of toothpaste suds. I’m sure at that point my kids weren’t sure if I was brushing my teeth or foaming at the mouth. With my uniform on I stomped around the house gathering everything I needed for work like I was 9-1-1 leaving the station for a fire however I was the fire. Then I announced to the kids, that had all taken cover by now, that I was leaving for work and that nobody cares anyway. Grabbed my stuff, stormed out, and slammed the front door and off to work I went. I drove away not even caring if I locked the front door behind me.
I had the music blaring my mind was racing. How can he write such a horrible book report and lie as if he read the book? What was going to happen next? Was this going to lead up to him becoming a criminal and selling drugs? About halfway to work the tears started pouring. I broke out into the ugliest of ugly Oprah cries. Which is like reason #56 why I need to get my windows tinted. At one point I looked over and saw this guy steady looking over at me, trying to Im sure guess what tragedy I was crying over. What his didn’t know is that I was crying over my tragic self.
You see Logan is a boy for starters and secondly a pre-teen that doesn’t really know what he is supposed to take seriously. He was pretty proud of himself for coming up with such an intelligent plan to complete the book report and not actually having to read the book. Im the parent. The adult. I had failed in more ways than one. Mommy had a complete meltdown when in his own pre-teen boy way was trying to tell me to calm down. I’m so not making exceptions or excuses for the disrespect in telling me to chill. Instead of using that moment to talk to him or send him to his room. I had a temper tantrum. I wanted to turn the car around and go home and hug and kiss him. Hug all my kids and tell them how much they mean to me. I’m sure I made every one of them feel like they weren’t enough. BUT… I had to keep driving to work because they like to eat and if mommy doesn’t get paid then they can’t eat!
Work felt like the shift that was never going to end. When I got home in the morning I was very quick to apologize to the kids. Hugging each of them and apologizing for my anger and how I should’ve handled it and that I love them very much. I was greeted with an apology from my pre-teen for not reading the book and upsetting me. The other kids apologized for contributing to the stress. There is something so absolutely beautiful about giving yourself some grace, mercy, and forgiveness. There is something even more beautiful about teaching your kids to show grace, mercy, and forgiveness in a situation that was hurtful. When you don’t just talk about it but you show them what grace, mercy, and forgiveness looks like it will never leave them. Do we knock it out of the park all the time? No. Will I probably have another meltdown? Yes. We were given the emotion of anger by our Creator. It is what we do with that anger that counts. So as the story goes, mommy had a meltdown but sometimes we have bad moments but that doesn’t mean we are bad.
Now pass the wine!